You may be familiar with that twisting, turning, sick feeling in the pit of your stomach when your partner is again falling into "silent treatment" mode. You may not know what you did that is causing her to ignore you and start the silent treatment... Or perhaps you thought you just had a minor disagreement.
Now perhaps she is just angry, and you will be able to discuss the situation in an hour or two. But perhaps, in your relationship, he ignores you for days, weeks, or months... all of the time barely looking at you, barely speaking to you. If you ask him what is wrong, he ignores you or tells you curtly that everything is "fine". But he is jolly, pleasant, even kind to others.. to a waitress, to a coworker, to a child. Yes, he may be playing with your child, talking sweetly to him, while you, Mom, stand nearby and he barely looks at you. If you ask him something, his face is locked into a cold stare. His eyes are cold. There is no love, no affection anywhere in his face.
Sometimes she will tell you what you did that was "wrong", wrong enough to provoke days of silence, and it may be something minor: You talked about something menial to her important friend at a party. You played with your salad. You put too much Parmesan cheese on the pasta. Or he got a good look at your thighs and you are developing cellulite.
Is it an intentional punishment? Maybe, maybe not. The partner may really be "splitting" you, common in those with borderline personality disorder. He/she actually doesn't regard you. You don't exist to him or her.
If you've experienced this kind of treatment, if you don't know how to handle it, join the discussions at BPDfamily.com. There's an ongoing Workshop on the Silent Treatment in which you can participate right now.
You aren't alone with this form of abuse. Others have experienced it also. And they may be able to help you deal with it.
BPDFamily.com provides support, education, tools, and perspective to individuals with a loved one affected by Borderline Personality Disorder. BPFamily is a non-profit, co-op of nearly 75,000 volunteer members and alumni formed in 1998. We welcome you to join our free 24 hour on-line support community with its nearly 3 million postings and grow with us as we learn to live better lives in the shadow of this disorder. For more information or to register, please click here. www.bpdfamily.com